My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals.
-- Bob Monkhouse
In awe I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebon void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang forever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought...I must put a roof on this lavatory.
-- Les Dawson
I used to have Mad Cow's disease, but I'm alright Nooooooooow.
-- Billy Connolly
A man commented to his lunch companion: "My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire." "You're lucky," sighed the companion. "My wife dreams that in the daytime."
-- Sam Ewing
If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that!
-- Milton Jones
I know why Superman left Krypton. Earth was the only place he could get steroids!
-- Milton Berle
A guy at work went in for a competition and won a trip to China. He's out there now...trying to win a trip back!
-- Jerry Dennis
I thought coq au vin was love in a lorry.
-- Victoria Wood
I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early.
-- Jack Benny
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
-- Rodney Dangerfield

Your eyes
which first held me captivated
where I stood.

Your smile
to dazzle the sun
and warm every corner of my soul.

Your voice
like a sparkling mountain stream
which flows into my heart.

Your walk
and the way your gracefulness
takes my breath away.

Your hair
about which I dreamed
cascading into my face
as you leaned over me.

Your hands
whose caress I crave
to hold my face
in their tenderness.

Your arms
I long to have around my neck
as you pull me close
to your warmth.

Most of all
everything you are
changed the way I feel about my life.

I love you.

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, they serve some sort of purpose; teach you a lesson, or help figure out who you are, and who you want to become.

You never know who these people may be: your neighbor, child, long lost friend, or even a stranger who, when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment that they will affect your life, in some profound way.

And sometimes things happen to you, and at the time they seem painful and unfair, but in reflection you realise, that without overcoming those obstacles, you would have never realised your potential strength, or your hearts desire.

Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of good or bad luck. Injury, love, lost moments of true greatness, as well as experiencing sheer stupidity; all occur to test the limits of your soul.

Without these small tests, whether they be events, illnesses or relationships, life would be like a paved straight flat road to nowhere, safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless.

The people you meet who affect your life, and the successes and downfalls you experience, create who you are, and even the bad experiences can be learned from; in fact, they are probably the poignant and important ones.

If someone hurts you, betrays you or breaks your heart, forgive them; for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart...

If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because they are teaching you to love, and opening your heart and eyes to things you would have never seen or felt without them.

Make every day count. Appreciate every moment, and take from it everything that you possibly can, for you may never be able to experience it again...

Talk to people you have never talked to before, and actually listen. Let yourself fall in love, break free and set your sights high...

Hold your head up, because you have every right too. Tell yourself you're a great person and believe in yourself... for if you don't believe in yourself, no one else will believe in you either.

Create your own life and then go out and live in it! "Live Each Day As If It Were Your Last... Tomorrow is Not Promised."

It's the heart thatýs afraid of breaking that never learns to dance, It's that dream that fears waking that never takes the chance, It's the mind thatýs scared of losing that never learns to give and it's the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live. So live life to the max every day!